oh, the places you'll go
by TheTribeanal
Summary: The fic where everyone goes out to a diner and adopts Molly by the end of it. An Epithet: Erased fanfic I wrote crossposted on AO3.
1. the curious case of giovanni potage

"God, Bear- _Molly,_ do we have to drag these two losers around _all day?"_

Giovanni Potage, Banzai Captain and overall sickest bad guy ever, glanced around irritably as he sauntered down the street. He had to go without his signature outfit and spiky hairstyle, instead settling for a subdued yellow hoodie, sweatpants and sneakers with flame decals on them.

Molly Blyndeff, in her signature bear-themed ensemble, stumbled after him, and behind her were the two guests of the hour fresh on parole.

Indus Tarbella hummed a jaunty tune as his master, Mera Salamin, trailed behind him. Quite unlike her peppy apprentice, Mera alternated between glumly picking at her eraser band and moodily glancing around to make sure nobody bumped into her.

"I-I think these two could use a day out, Giovanni. They've been really good with their parole officer, right Indus?"

Indus barked out a laugh, giving her a bright smile that Molly returned and Giovanni had to cover his eyes at. "Indeed, miss bodyguard! Every time Sir Officer has been over to our humble abode, I have set out tea! With muffins! Lady Mera says they are _adorable_ because I make them in the shape of-"

"Indus!" Mera hissed.

"Whatever is the matter, Lady Mera? I am positively overjoyed at the thought that you would like my cooking!"

Giovanni groaned as the two began to bicker, glancing at Molly and leaning down to catch her attention. "You're quite fortunate that I am such a fantastic boss _and_ overall cool guy, Molly. For your good behavior, I will graciously allow them to join our no-nerds-allowed Banzai Blaster hangout, free of charge!"

The bear-themed girl grinned back at him once she confirmed that no one seemed to have heard that. "Thanks, boss."

"Eh, no problem. Say...how'd you do on that math test you were freakin' out over?"

"Uh..." Molly looked to the side, face scrunching up. "I...I don't think I did too well. It was harder than I thought, a-and I wasn't able to study too much because of the shop so...sorry..."

Blinking once, Giovanni put on his best grin and ruffled her hair, delighting in her squeak of indignation. "No sweat, Molly! Who needs stupid dumb _math_, anyway?! 'Oh, look at me," Giovanni waved his arms around, ignoring Mera's long-suffering sigh. "I'm _Python Gas_, and I'm some crappy nerd who thought _tWiAnGlEs_ were cool!' Pffft, whatever. _I'm_ already proud of you, and if you didn't know any better, I'm only the best. Boss. **Ever!**"

"Well said, mister Gas!" Indus cut in, thumping his chest with a meaty fist. "I, Indus Tarbella, will admit that I am...not so good at math. Or taxes. Or...bills. Regardless, I have my lady, my honor, and my **BARRIERS!** You too have qualities to be proud of that are not math-related!"

Blushing, Molly stammered to try and cut them off before the two men turned to Mera and stared expectantly.

"...What? You want me to say something?"

"You better! As hangout master, I'm declaring this block a Molly appreciation zone! Speak, peasant!"

"Why you dirty little-"

"Come now, Lady Mera, surely you could spare one good word to our mutual bodyguard friend!"

Mera groaned, deflating a bit, before she set her sights on an almost spastic Molly.

"You're...better. Than most people. Most people would see a girl who can't fist-bump someone without shattering her knuckle and laugh at her. Most people would see a girl who steals other's stamina as a witch, a monster, a _thief_. Most people would rather watch me suffer in silence, locked away in some cold room, than try to do anything and save me. But you? You _tried_. For a little while, for that brief car ride, I felt...relieved. I didn't get what I wanted, which is pretty annoying. But I'm used to that, and as long as you're around to help..."

Mera looked away, a ghost of a blue blush on her pale cheeks.

"I gained something nice from it all, I guess."

Looking up, Mera stiffened as she took in the slack-jawed looks from her three travel buddies.

"...Jeez, sister, you tryin' to one-up me or something?"

"Lady Mera!" Indus bellowed, starry-eyed. "I am so proud of you! Oh goodness, to see you praise a friend so purely...I-I could cry...!"

"S-Shut up, the both of you! I am _never_ doing that again, you hear me?!"

Molly, having buried her face in her hands, shyly peeked out and gave Mera a watery smile.

"Thank you..."

The Fragile teen humphed and looked away, but if one looked closely a small smile was threatening to break her perpetual frown.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Ugh, let's just get to this place already so we can't get any more sappy..."

Molly would have responded had her hand not been roughly grasped and pulled back, and she looked back ahead to see the road, a stop signal and a peeved Giovanni tightly holding it.

"Hey, _Bear Trap_," he hissed quietly, crouching to avoid tripping his minion up. "Watch where you're going! Do you know how worried I'd be if you got...k-knocked out by something lame like a _car_?! Geez!"

Molly muttered a quiet 'sorry', but couldn't help but smile as Giovanni continued to rant about safety with her hand in his, an amused Mera and Indus trailing behind them.

* * *

"Well, my minion and honorary minions, feast your eyes upon the most heinous haunt, the most _diabolical_ diner, the most evil eatery in all of Sweet Jazz City!"

"It's called 'Mama's'."

"Yeah? So what?" Giovanni raised an eyebrow at Mera's unamused face. "Moms can be scary. I should know, mine is. If only you could've seen her demonic face once I had to give the knife back..."

The teen rolled her eyes as she glanced at Indus gasping at the vintage jukebox in the corner, poking at it and delighting in the way it glowed. Molly walked up to the counter and waved to grab the receptionist's attention.

"Hello, I'd like to get a booth please!"

Leaning over the counter, the receptionist shot Molly a patient smile. "I'm sorry little girl, you'll need your parents to put in-"

"Teleports behind you!" The receptionist yelped as Giovanni popped into view beside Molly, a thin halo of soupy energy wafting off of him.

"...Is that clam chowder? I _love-"_

"Yeah yeah yeah whatever! Did you say she needed her parents to order?"

"Yes, sir. Are you...?"

Giovanni cleared his throat and looked around.

"I'm the...mom! Yeah, that's it!"

Both the receptionist and Molly stared blankly at him.

"...You're her mother?"

"Yep."

"I'm sorry, but I can't really...alright, so who is the fath-"

"Her."

Giovanni pointed to Mera, who could only dumbly blink back at him. Indus, who was seemingly absorbed in the trance-like color changes in the jukebox, suddenly snapped to attention.

"What."

"_What._"

"What?"

"What?! Is there anything wrong with this arrangement in the _current year?!_ I should speak to your manager about how rude you were _and_ leave a bad review on Snelp, you little _snot-nosed hangout-ruining_-"

**"D-DID I SAY 'WHAT'?!"** The receptionist screamed, holding her hands out to stop him from barging past her.** "I MEANT COME RIGHT THIS WAY MA'AM!"**

**"YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT!"** Giovanni grinned widely, rows of pointed teeth giving his smugness a feral edge.** "C'MON MOLLY, MERA, AND BARRIER! OUR GLORIOUS FAMILY DEMANDS ONLY THE MOST HIGHEST-QUALITY BOOTH! AND WE BETTER GET THE DISCOUNT!"**

Molly let out a little awkward laugh as Mera mimed a gun pointed into her mouth. Indus, who was simply confused as to when Mera became a father of one (two? Was he included? Was he the fun uncle?), followed her with happy diligence.

A little part of the bear-hoodie girl jumped for joy when Giovanni called all of them family, though. Just a little.


	2. the people you'll meet

After a brief struggle regarding where they sat, what to order, and what not to say in the restaurant (which Molly highly doubted would be followed), the strange family of four settled into a booth near the window. It was decided that Indus sit inside as to avoid squashing Mera while Giovanni sat with Molly for no other reason than 'Banzai Blaster solidarity'.

It was her boss' typical mix of weird and affectionate, which was absolutely fine.

Molly snapped out of her thoughts and stared at her chicken tenders as the waiter gently placed it in front of her.

_Her _chicken tenders. Not 'hers but dad keeps trying to make her look away before giving up and just taking some'. Not 'hers but it was actually her sister's because she just took it and replaced it with some dumb bland eggs because she knew Molly wouldn't like it'.

All hers, no sharing required. The bad guy power she now wields is..._astronomical._

"Miss bodyguard, you seem to be staring quite intently at those finger chickens. Could they have perhaps...angered you in some way?"

"Oh no, I was just lost in thought. I guess it looks a little...plain without the sauce?"

Glancing over her salad, Mera looked at the decidedly simple plate for herself and pushed a cup of ketchup over with a grunt.

"I'm not going to sully my salad with ketchup, of all things, so you can go ahead and take this. You kids like ketchup, right?"

Molly was about to voice her thanks before an elbow slammed on the table. Of course, that elbow was Giovanni's, who fixed Mera with a heated glare.

"'Of all things', don't think you can get away with insulting my condiment of choice unscathed! You can enhance _anything_ with it and the fact that you didn't know that makes you a _philistine! _BEHOLD, MORTAL!"

With a sweep of his arm, Giovanni unveiled his dish: a pile of fries.

"SUFFER UNDER THE WEIGHT OF YOUR UNDYING SHAME AT THE SIGHT OF GIOVANNI POTAGE'S...FRIES OF AGONYYYYY!"

"Did you just say you're Giovanni-"

"We look alike," he quickly spat back, the random patron hurriedly looking away.

Said pile of fries were slathered in a sickeningly-thick amalgamation of sauces he had pilfered from other dishes; barbecue sauce from Indus' burger, ranch dressing to have gone with Mera's salad, and mustard that could only be guessed to have come from Molly's dish. If one could speak to food, these fries would indeed be screaming in unfiltered agony.

Judging by a poor little boy's thousand-yard stare and the muttering of 'save us...' in the background, perhaps that epithet actually did exist.

"Oh god looking at that mess makes me sick, wha- when the heck did you even have time to make that?"

"One does not simply divulge all their secret techniques, silly little not-husband!"

"Call me that again and I'm turning your ribs into styrofoam."

"Try it and I'll call for domestic abuse."

"I believe that all sauces can exist peacefully," Indus began, attempting to calm the atmosphere with his signature smile and outstretched hands. "As long as they keep the warrior code in their heart, they shall always have a place on Indus Tarbella's plate if my epithet isn't **BARRIER!**"

The diner shook at Indus' mighty decree, even though Mera looked unamused and Giovanni just looked confused. Shrugging, the incognito Banzai Captain let out a wicked laugh as he grabbed a handful of thoroughly-soaked fries and shoveled them down, and soon everyone settled into their meals with a relative amount of quiet.

"Y'know," Giovanni mumbled, swallowing his latest mouthful of fries. "I'm kinda feelin' like we forgot someone. Don't get me wrong, our group dynamic is, aheh, _amazing_, but...like, our little party needs another someone to round out the atmosphere."

"Really? I don't- OH MY GOD WE FORGOT SYLVIE!"

"So we didn't forget anyone, is what you're saying," Mera snarked, earning a rare laugh from Giovanni.

"I said 'round out the atmosphere, Molly, not 'make it all boring and dumb with doctor stuff'. Beef Boy is probably off doing boring therapist stuff with people anyway, there's no way that four-eyed _nerd_ would-"

_TINK TINK TINK._

Everyone looked to the left out the window to see a surprised and affronted Sylvester Ashling outside the diner, pressing his hands up against the glass. Whipping his gaze to Molly, he gestured to the group and then back to himself as Molly clapped her hands together and mouthed 'sorry'.

Predictably, Giovanni pointed back at him and proceeded to start retching, Indus had the courtesy to wave, and Mera made sure to pour in every ounce of smugness she had for a legendary smirk. Even more predictable was Sylvie's dashed towards and into the diner.

"_Hff_...H-Hello...I know the..._hfff_...the people in that booth over there and would...like to speak to them," Sylvie gasped, brushing his coat off and taking a couple of deep breaths.

"We don't know him!" Giovanni screamed back, not even feeling Molly's weak elbow.

"What're you kid, their long-lost son? A fun uncle?" the receptionist muttered, clearly done with the group's antics and trying desperately not to add a fifth actor.

"I am _not_ a kid! A-And what's the deal with the son thing?"

"This is a family outing at a reputable diner, Dr. Ashling!" Indus called. "I apologize, but I do not think you are a member!"

Finding that she would lose absolutely nothing, the receptionist sighed and let the teen doctor move past her and to the booth. Sylvie made his way over before straightening his back and crossing his arms.

"You didn't invite me."

"Sorry, Sylvie. I thought you were busy with your job, so I didn't want to interrupt..."

"I mean, you aren't wrong, but..." Sylvie sighed, looking away with a short huff. "I _did_ just get out of the office, sooooo..."

"So you totally want in but know you can't join because you're a huge _neeeeeeeerd!_" Giovanni helpfully cut in, taking an extra second to laugh at the now reddened Sylvie.

"You know, doctor, I think it's a good thing to be true to yourself," Mera clasped her hands together, pupils large and sparkling as she tenderly looked up at him. "Why, that pout you have is _very_ intimidating. Could you perhaps be feewing...weft out?"

"Every fiber of my being hates the two of you right now," Sylvie grit out, sliding into the booth as Molly and a laughing Giovanni made room for him.

* * *

"So let me get this straight," Sylvie muttered, shooting a quick glare at a giggling Giovanni pointing at his smiley-face eggs and child-sized fries (he just wasn't hungry, alright?!). "You decided to take these three thieves out to lunch because you wanted to be friends with them?"

"We're already, like, _best friends_ here, beefbrain."

Giovanni slung an arm over Molly's shoulder and sent him a snide smirk, which Sylvie gracefully decided not to react to.

"Oh, like you weren't in the museum to make a grab at the Arsene Amulet too, kiddo."

Sylvie let out an insulted gasp as he turned to Mera. "I already told you I'm not- ugh! Anyways, I was getting a sneak peek! Early access! It is completely different compared to what you, your big friend, and Banzai Boy was planning on doing with it!"

"Hey, that's Banzai _Man_ to you, you clown!"

"Okay, okay," Molly shushed. "Let's just say that Mera and Indus made some...questionable decisions. But that's ok, we all do! What's important is that we're good friends at the end of the day, right?"

"Yes!"

"Hmph."

"Lady Mera..."

"Ugh...yeah."

Indus shot Mera a warm smile, making her blush and turn away huffing. Watching them, Sylvie let out an intrigued hum as he rolled his fry around in-

Where did his mustard go? W-Whatever, just ignore it.

"I didn't get to study you back at the museum, but your Fragile epithet comes with quite the drawback," Sylvie stated, quickly glancing around for his nabbed mustard. It was only when he looked away did Giovanni add it to his sauce pile for the few fries he had left. "To have such pronounced effects is rather...unusual."

"Yeah?" Mera raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Now, it's just a few hypotheses, nothing solid just yet, but I believe that I could help you dull the effects, at least a little bit. Now-"

"Pssst, Bear Trap," Giovanni whispered, nudging Molly's shoulder.

"What?"

"Saved you the kid's biggest fry, completely clean!" Giovanni smirked as he pulled out the crinkle-cut fry from underneath his napkin. "You're welcome, by the way."

Molly blinked as she accepted the fry, looking up at Giovanni. "Thank you, but...why?"

"You're the food donor whenever you go out with your dumb family, right?"

Molly's eyebrows shot up.

"Don't look too surprised, Bear Trap. Whenever I take my boys here, they never know what to order, so they end up taking some of my stuff to try it out. Being their ever-generous boss I don't mind, but the way you were staring at those tenders earlier was pretty intense. Like you thought they were gonna disappear or something."

"...Well, yeah. They, uh, kinda did."

"Well, when you're hangin' with us, you can rest assured that all the food you get is yours. I may not look it, Bear Trap, but I am a responsible adult-"

Sylvie interrupted himself to direct a brief, loud bark of laughter towards Giovanni, clearing his throat before turning back to Mera.

"...Brat. Anyway, as your boss, I'll treat you to as much food as you want whenever you do a good bad job! I mean, y'know, as much as my allowance can give."

"Thanks, boss...but," Molly gulped. "But I wanna know why! ...Please?"

"Heh, you're getting there kid," Giovanni ruffled her hair again before putting his hand to his chin. "As for why? Well, I told you in the museum, didn't I? You're my boy, Bear Trap, _my _boy. And we got each other's backs."

Giovanni fondly smiled as his eyes grew hazy, lost in memories of an older time. The rest of the table had quieted down, Mera and Sylvie trying to keep their glances inconspicuous while Indus was full-on staring.

"I love all my boys, Bear Trap, there's nothing I wouldn't steal, nobody I wouldn't _whoop_, to keep them safe. I watch them grow, I watch them laugh, I watch them cry, and then I watch them move on to greener pastures. As my newest boy, I can see you've got a lot of problems. But that's okay! Everyone, even _me_, has problems! We just gotta keep working at them, and we'll all get somewhere eventually! I want to see you get to that place, Bear Trap, and we're only gonna get there together! But, uh, hey...Molly?"

"Y-Yeah?" Molly's voice wavered.

"I will always,_ al_-

* * *

_-ways...be proud of you."_

_Ten-year-old Molly Blyndeff looked up at her mother with pure adoration as she set her failed history test on the table. Scrambling up to the couch (and giggling at her mother saying 'scootch, scootch'), she pressed herself against her mom's warm arm and was delighted at being brought in for a full-on bear hug._

_"You promise, Mommy?"_

_"I promise, my little cub. You stumbled, and that's okay. But you better keep trying, alright? I know you're incredibly smart, and you can put your mind to anything you want!"_

_"A-Anything?"_

_"**Anything.**"_

_"Heehee, yeah!"_

_Molly's mother let out a boisterous laugh, the cub laughing as she felt her mom's chest rumble with glee. She hefted her squealing daughter into her arms as they both got off the sofa._

_"Let's go see how your father is doing, alright? God knows that man is useless without us..."_

* * *

Molly didn't know when she started crying, only that she did and she was pressed into Giovanni's arms and then his side and his arms were around her and everyone was looking at her sobbing-

"H-Hey, what did you say?!"

"M-MISS BODYGUAAAAARD!" Indus was also crying, a steady stream gushing out of his eyes.

"Damn it, Giovanni, what did you do?!"

"_I_ didn't do anything! **_You_** were the ones watching, so maybe **_you_** guys should've piped up and said something! Geez! I may be so overwhelmingly kind _and handsome_ but you guys don't get a free pass to judge me as a result!"

Molly's cries slowly softened as she heard her three friends bickering, with Indus accepting napkins from the other tables to curb his tears.

Eventually, she smiled. Then giggled, and then full-on laughed as everyone glanced at her.

"Eh...huh? Weren't you, like, really sad a second ago?"

Molly scrubbed her face with a sleeve, the other hand firmly grasping Giovanni's hoodie.

"I-I was...remembering someone. I was sad...but now I'm happy. I'm happy to know you all."

Molly wrapped her other arm around Giovanni's waist.

"Thanks, boss."

Indus burst into a fresh set of tears, interrupting Mera's own tearing up as she angrily squawked at him to keep her dry. Sylvie was in the background, using one of his Counting Sheep to discretely blow his nose.

It didn't appreciate the gesture.

"Heh...anytime Molly. But more importantly..."

Giovanni smirked before cradling Molly into his arms, kicking himself up to stand on the seat before hopping onto the table.

"AHHHHHH HAHAHAHAAAA! I TOLD YOU, NERDBOY, IT IS ME, _GIOVANNI POTAGE_, WHO IS MOLLY'S **BEST.** **FRIEND.** THE WRITING IS ON THE WALL! THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING! THE JUDGE HAS SENTENCED YOU TO SECOND BANANA!** READ IT AND WEEP...**"

Giovanni leaned in just to get a close-up view of Sylvie's incredulous face, Molly sending him an apologetic grin.

**"SUCKERRRRR!"**

"...A-Are you SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?! AND MY _NAME_ IS SYLVIE! OR SYLVESTER!"

"Nnnnnyes, yes I am serious Syldweeb," Giovanni purred. "As proof, I shall buy everyone here ice cream just to commemorate this momentous occasion in bad guy friendship! Come on, folks, pick your flavor _if you dare!_"

"I would most appreciate vanilla! It is a **BARRIER** for the palate!" Indus sniffed.

"I wouldn't turn down some scoops of chocolate. It is the best flavor, after all."

"I-"

"Am getting salmon-flavored ice cream."

"Hey, no! W-Why is everyone bullying me today?!"

"Rest assured, Dr. Ashling, Indus Tarbella shall never bully you, even if it looks quite easy!"

"...Thanks, Indus."

"Anytime, friend!"

Molly laughed as she was deposited in her seat, Giovanni snapping for the waiter.

Her friends at school would _never _believe her.

* * *

The sun was just beginning to set as the motley crew exited the diner, saying their goodbyes to the overloaded receptionist before wandering down the street.

"So, we splitting up now, or..."

Giovanni shrugged. "Up to Bear Trap, I guess? Usually I'd be hurrying back home to mom, but as I'm hanging out with _the boys_, I'm feeling like a rebel with a cause!"

Molly blinked, the attention now on her. "I guess we could-" She yawned loudly, hand twitching to cover it before she figured that it would be far too big anyway.

"Tired, huh? Wanna call it a day, Molly?" Sylvie smiled kindly.

"N-No, no, maybe a bit longer. It's actually pretty good since this is usually my energy drink hour so-"

"Your what now?" Mera blinked.

"Oh, my energy drink hour. I'd be getting out of school right now, so it's a good idea to chug an energy drink and get ready my shift at the- excuse me!"

Molly called out, startling a man who would have bumped into Mera's shoulder and causing him to give the group a little wider berth.

"...Thanks."

"Yep! Anyway, if you guys would just gimme a moment to grab one from upstairs, we could-"

"Nope!" Giovanni let the 'p' pop.

"H-Huh?"

"Nope, here's what is _gonna _happen. You-" Giovanni swept Molly up in his arms with a quick 'hup'. "Are gonna drop that 'wonder kid' garbage and just take a nap. Trust me, I tell the boys to take naps all the time and lemme tell ya, their skin _glows._"

"Really? I did not notice such glowing skin."

"Guess you gotta train your eyes then, big guy."

Indus let out a quiet hum, nodding. While Mera rolled her eyes, she couldn't quite help but let her smile out this time.

"What about the store, Giovanni...?" Molly slurred, cursing the fact that she was already conking out. Giovanni was warm, surprisingly less bony than one would think, and smelled like chicken noodle soup. She had eaten a lot in these past couple of hours, more than she had in...a while? It was hard to remember.

In short, she was waging war against sleep and losing miserably.

"Uh, I think we Bonzai Buddies can handle like, two hours. Or whatever."

"We are doing absolutely nothing for two hours or whatever, right Lady Mera?"

"Uh," Mera hummed, looking up at the sky. "The parole officer visited yesterday for the standard search, so we should be alright for a little bit. _Just_ a little bit, though."

"Alright, I guess I have to play the straight man and watch you three, then," Sylvie sighed, pushing his glasses up to hide his eager eyes.

"Again, you totally wanna be invited and are being a nerd about it."

"Shut up, Giovanni!"

He laughed, and Molly dumbly felt the rumble of his chest as something familiar.

"Go to sleep, Molly," his voice was right near her ear, soft and affectionate. "We'll be here when you wake up."

She did, but just before she surrendered entirely, she thought she heard him say one last thing.

"The places you'll go, kid..."

* * *

**A/N: **Epithet Erased doesn't even have a fandom here on FF either, huh? Such a shame, it's such a quirky little show and I love it to bits. Go watch it on VRV now if you want! (Though you can find it elsewhere online, and older episodes on JelloApocalypse's YT)

This fic also has the side benefit of letting everyone know I'm not dead and just busy with finals week! So basically I'm already half-way there!


End file.
